A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky,I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.I’m so sorry,Becky The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There… Read More →
by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger The following report on a major scientific discovery is making the rounds on the 'net. The original author is unknown, so we don't know who to credit for this, but it was most likely written by someone working for the government while ON the government clock! Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however,… Read More →
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.Here are some facts about the Medieval Europe: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath inMay, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet offlowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of thehouse had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally thechildren. Last of all… Read More →
An grizzled old rancher was working his herd in a remote pasture here in South Texas when suddenly a brand-new Lincoln Town Car advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a well-groomed man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the old cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The rancher looks at the man, obviously some sort of an indoor yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and wanting to see how such a thing would be attempted, calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out… Read More →
(Your own personal nurse is optional.)
DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLEGUM!