Natural Remedies

Foot Odor

• Chlorophyll, the same plant compound that gives plants their green color, can also sweeten your feet. Pour two to three teaspoons liquid chlorophyll into a bucket filled with a gallon of warm water, and soak your feet for 15 minutes. Dry your feet completely afterward, and wear cotton socks which let your feet breathe.
Colloidal Silver . After a bath or shower, spray colloidal silver on your feet allowing them to dry before putting on socks and shoes. Silver is an excellent anti-microbial agent and kills bacteria on contact. Once a week or so, spray colloidal silver in your shoes and boots (if you’re from Texas or Montana) and allow to dry. You can also spray silver on your socks, but remember particle silver may stain light colored socks.

• Apple cider vinegar. To eliminate foot odor, soak your feet several times a week in one-third cup of apple cider vinegar added to a small pan of warm water.

• Tea. The tannic acid found in tea can help eliminate foot odor. Make a pot of tea, without adding sugar or lemon, and pour it into a dishpan. Wait until the tea is no longer too hot, and then soak your feet in it for ten minutes. Soap and water should remove any stain the tea leaves on your feet.

• Baking soda. Sprinkle baking soda inside your shoes to absorb moisture and odor.

Zinc . Get 15 to 30 milligrams of Zinc per day either alone or in a multi-vitamin. This should reduce or eliminate the odor within a week or two. The zinc may make the skin more resistant to the bacteria causing the odor. Don't take more than 30 mg. of zinc without medical supervision since high levels of zinc can interfere with the absorption of copper and can damage the immune system.

• Boots, shoes, and socks made with natural materials like leather and cotton breathe better than man-made materials like plastic and nylon, allowing heat to escape. Except for very open shoes, footwear made of synthetic material should never be worn since the water (sweat) retention can substantially increase the growth of bacteria. 100% cotton socks are best.

Ask Utopia Silver


My husband just bought a gallon of your colloidal silver today and I was hoping you could give us information about the benefits and examples of how it has helped MS folks and the suggested dosages.

Thank you,
Kaille in Virginia

Hi Kaille,

There have been anecdotal stories of the symptoms of MS being alleviated by colloidal silver; indicating that it may sometimes be caused by a microorganism. That would be the only explanation I am aware of for colloidal silver being effective, since silver is proven to destroy one-celled organisms on contact.

According to “Prescription For Nutritional Healing” by James F. Balch, MD, the underlying cause of MS is not known, but is widely believed to be an autoimmune disease in which white blood cells attack the myelin sheaths as if they were a foreign substance.” (The myelin is the protective wrapping that isolates nerves from surrounding tissue, similar to the insulation on electrical wiring. When this insulation deteriorates, electrical impulses that were once “focused” to specific areas of the body short-circuit along the length of the nerves (the body’s wiring). Dr. Balch’s book also states that “Stress, malnutrition, whether from poor absorption or poor diet, often precede the onset of the disease. Some experts suspect that an as-yet-unidentified virus may be involved. Heredity may also be a factor. Another theory is that this condition may be caused by food intolerances or allergies, … Chemical poisoning of the central nervous system by pesticides, industrial chemicals,…may also play a part in the development of MS. ”  Environmental toxins can cause disturbances in the body’s normal metabolic pathways that result in damage to the nerve’s protective myelin sheaths. Even substances that are not necessarily toxic to everyone can be a problem for susceptible individuals. Toxins such as those produced bacteria and fungi in the body have been known to produce symptoms like those of MS.

From my reading, I suspect that it may well be a combination of hereditary susceptibility, environmental toxins, and viruses, bacteria, or fungi, as well as an immune system weakened by mineral and vitamin deficiencies. The latter is where diet may factor in. MS is much less common in parts of the world where the diet is higher in Omega 3 essential fatty acids, which tend to have an inhibitory effect on the body’s inflammatory response. MS is also much more prevalent in cooler climates. Even within the USA, the majority of MS cases are north of the 37th parallel running through the middle of the country. This may lend even more credibility to the virus theory, since viruses tend to proliferate more readily in cooler weather. You generally see much less colds and flues in warmer weather. Recent research has shown that this may be because of a protective “fatty over coating” that allow viruses to survive better in cooler weather. Warmer temperatures either “melt” away this coating or prevent it from building up on the organism. You can see this demonstrated within the body. When the body is “invaded’ by a germ, one of the primary defense mechanisms is fever, which is a raising of the body’s temperature to make the body environment less habitable for one-celled organisms.

Some supplements that may be beneficial in dealing with MS are: Plant Minerals, Inositol, Coenzyme Q10, MSM, Flaxseed Oil, Primrose Oil, Vitamin B Complex, Acidophilus, Calcium, Magnesium, Potassium, and Selenium. (You can do a search on our website for many of these products.)

It is also important to do periodic colon and liver cleanses to flush any toxin build-ups from the body. (See and )

It is always important to eat plenty of raw fruits and vegetables that are not over-cooked and to have a source of water that has had the chlorine removed. Additionally one should stay away from highly processed foods and junk foods high in bleached sugar and flour.

As to your question of how much silver to supplement with, that is not one that can be answered. Every situation and everybody is different. Just remember if using heavier servings of silver, one should supplement with Acidophilus and Probiotics or eat live culture yogurt an hour or so afterwards to replenish the colon flora die-off that results. This will ensure the continued proper digestion and absorption of other nutrients.

As you can see, there is probably not just one magic bullet that will alleviate or reverse the symptoms of MS, but more than likely requires a lifestyle change in general. I hope this information helps.

You are appreciated in Utopia.

Ben Taylor
Utopia Silver Supplements
830 966-2315


Notice: We are not doctors and we suggest that you consult a healthcare professional, preferably a qualified naturopathic doctor or one who has been trained in integrative medicine if you have a life or health threatening illness. All opinions and information presented here are done as an exercise of our unalienable right of free speech and any solicitation of my opinions or communication with me is only within the exercising of this freedom of speech right that you and I have as free men and women.

Laughter, The Best Medicine

You Might Be A School Teacher If …

by Jeff Foxworthy

YOU might be a school teacher if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

YOU might be a school teacher if you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.”

YOU might be a school teacher if it’s difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

YOU might be a school teacher if you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail – anything, without ever looking outside.

YOU might be a school teacher if you believe, 'shallow gene pool' should have its own box on a report card.

YOU might be a school teacher if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”

YOU might be a school teacher if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

YOU might be a school teacher if you have no social life between August and June.

YOU might be a school teacher if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

YOU might be a school teacher if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.

YOU might be a school teacher if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'

YOU might be a school teacher if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district.

YOU might be a school teacher if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

YOU might be a school teacher if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be construed as a violation Constitutional Rights.

YOU might be a school teacher if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, “Why is this kid like this?”

YOU might be a school teacher if you would choose a root canal over a parent conference.

YOU might be a school teacher if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons…and desks and chairs for that matter!

YOU might be a school teacher if the words, “I have college debt for this?” has ever come out of your mouth.

YOU might be a school teacher if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!

Featured Articles

Despite the Latest Headlines – Keep Taking Your Vitamins!

by Tony Isaacs

Latest Industry Backed "Study" Seriously Flawed and Biased

A “new” study condemning the use of vitamins and ineffective and potentially dangerous is generating headlines throughout the mainstream media in the United States and Europe.  Apparently generating headlines was the sole intention, as the study is neither new, scientific nor objective.

The “study” was led by Serbian scientist and “visiting researcher” at Copenhagen University Hospital, Goran Bjelakovic, whose name is now synonymous with vitamin meta-analyses (studies of other studies) which appear to show that vitamin supplements either don’t work or end up increasing your risk of death.  Two similar Bjelakovic “studies” on vitamin supplements, in October 2004 and February 2007, resulted in similar outbursts of negative international headlines.

Upon closer examination, the flaws in the so-called study are apparent.  First of all, in evaluating studies for inclusion, the authors omitted a massive 405 potentially eligible studies because there were no deaths in the studies and another 69 studies were excluded because they weren’t randomized controlled trials.

In other words, instead of conducting an honest review of all the studies, the authors arbitrarily eliminated all studies in which vitamins prevented mortality and kept people alive – leaving only the studies in which people died from various causes.  Most of the trials used pertain to already sick people being given very high dose, synthetic, isolated nutrients for relatively short periods – they therefore have no relevance to the vast majority of vitamin consumers.

When you select or reject studies on criteria that only mean something to statisticians, and ignore important things like duration, how long the study ran for — which ranged from 28 days to 14 years — your findings are immediately meaningless. Even the huge difference in dose of supplements between different studies was not deemed important – for example, Vitamin E ranging from 10 to 5000 units daily.

The studies in the latest meta-analysis not only relied on synthetic forms of vitamins, in most instances they relied on very high dosages of pharmaceutical-grade, synthetic forms of supplements manufactured by the pharmaceutical industry. The dosages used are typically much greater than those recommended on the labels of food or dietary supplement products. In most countries, the dosages used in the trials would be considered ‘medicinal’ by regulatory authorities and therefore would not legally be allowed for food or dietary supplements.

As a result, these studies actually apply only to synthetic forms of vitamins produced by the pharmaceutical industry in amounts much larger than most consumers would ever take. The authors of this latest Cochrane review state: “The present review does not assess antioxidant supplements for treatment of specific diseases (tertiary prevention), antioxidant supplements for patients with demonstrated specific needs of antioxidants, or the effects of antioxidants contained in fruits or vegetables.” This shows that the study has no relevance to natural sources of vitamins and minerals or antioxidants sourced from plants (e.g. flavonoids, anthocyanins, sulforaphanes, salvestrols/resveratrol, etc.), which are included in many of the leading-edge natural health supplements claiming potent antioxidant activity.

Make no mistake, this isn’t research. This is a re-analysis of studies that have been conducted and reported on previously, by a group of men with a known axe to grind, who have never produced a study favorable to supplements, which is itself statistically unlikely unless you have a bias.

There is extensive scientific evidence that higher intakes of vitamins in the forms and combinations consumed in the diet substantially reduce risk of killer diseases such as cancer and heart disease. In fact, it is this research (some of which is referenced in the introduction to both the JAMA and Cochrane papers) that has stimulated pharmaceutical companies to undertake research on pharmaceutical-grade, synthetic forms of supplements, which they manufacture.  As is often the case when pharmaceutical companies try to synthesize or unnaturally isolate compounds found in nature so they can patent and profit from them, their synthetic version have been largely disappointing.

A good source to see why their results have largely failed can be seen in this paper by the Alliance for Natural Health:

As a final note on the study:  although presented as a “new”, the study is really no more than a rehash of a paper by the very same authors, published last year (February 2007) in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA). Extensive international media followed the 2007 JAMA paper, including a front page articles in major newspapers telling consumers that vitamin pills could cause early death. The “new” study review relies on 67 of the 68 studies used in the JAMA paper.

The world pharmaceutical empire is a trillion dollar juggernaut whose continued profits depends on continued illness as well as a continued monopoly on approved medications and suppression of any alternatives which might provide prevention and treatment more effectively, more safely and less expensively – such as those found in nature.  And so there are a trillion reasons why we see the repeated headlines about misleading and flawed studies like this one on vitamins, minerals and other natural supplements that represent billions of dollars in potential lost profits due to improved health and competition with patented drugs.

The best possible model for profits would be a monopoly on side-effect laden drugs which lead to complications requiring yet more side effect laden drugs in a never ending cycle so that by the time a person reaches the age of 65 they take an average of 15 prescribed and over the counter medications daily when it all started with one or two conditions that could have been treated naturally.  A great model for profits and a horrible one for health and humanity.

The bottom line for all those who reject such a model:  don’t stop taking your vitamins, minerals and other supplements – especially those derived from natural sources which insure adequate amounts of daily nutrition vital to your optimum health.


Alliance for Natural Health
Natural News

About the Author:

Tony Isaacs, is a natural health advocate and researcher and the author of books and articles about natural health including "Cancer's Natural Enemy" and "Collected Remedies"as well as song lyrics and humorous anecdotal stories. Mr. Isaacs also has The Best Years in Life website for baby boomers and others wishing to avoid prescription drugs and mainstream managed illness and live longer, healthier and happier lives naturally. He is currently residing in the scenic Texas hill country near Utopia, Texas where he serves as a consultant to the Utopia Silver colloidal silver and supplement company and where he is working on a major book project due for publication later this year. Mr. Isaacs also hosts the CureZone "Ask Tony Isaacs" forum as well as the Yahoo Health Group "Oleander Soup"

Featured Articles

Boy or Girl? The Answer May Depend on Mom’s Eating Habits

by Tara Parker-Pope 
How much a mother eats at the time of conception may influence whether she gives birth to a boy or a girl, a new report shows.
The report, from researchers at Oxford and the University of Exeter in England, is said to be the first evidence that a child’s sex is associated with a mother’s diet. Although sex is genetically determined by whether sperm from the father supplies an X or Y chromosome, it appears that a mother’s body can favor the successful development of a male or female embryo.

The study, published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, shows a link between higher energy intake around the time of conception and the birth of sons. The difference is not huge, but it may be enough to help explain the falling birthrate of boys in industrialized countries, including the United States and Britain.

The reason food intake may influence the development of one sex of infant rather than another isn’t fully understood. However, in vitro fertilization studies show that high levels of glucose encourage the growth of male embryos while inhibiting female embryos.

It may be that male embryos are less viable in women who regularly limit food intake, such as skipping breakfast, which is known to depress glucose levels. A low glucose level may be interpreted by the body as indicating poor environmental conditions and low food availability, the researchers said.

The findings are based on a study of 740 first-time pregnant mothers in Britain who didn’t know the sex of their fetus. They provided records of their eating habits before and during the early stages of pregnancy, and researchers analyzed the data based on estimated calorie intake at the time of conception. Among women who ate the most, 56 percent had sons, compared with 45 percent among women who ate the least. As well as consuming more calories, women who had sons were more likely to have eaten a higher quantity and wider range of nutrients, including potassium, calcium and vitamins C, E and B12. There was also a strong correlation between women eating breakfast cereals and producing sons.

The data are limited by the fact that they are based on self-reported food intake, which can be unreliable. However, the consistency of the trend offers an explanation for the small but consistent decline in the proportion of boys born in industrialized countries over the last 40 years, where even though women in general appear to be consuming more, eating habits have changed.

In the United States, for instance, the proportion of adults eating breakfast fell from 86 percent to 75 percent between 1965 and 1991. And although women may be eating more overall, a nutrient-poor diet could be less favorable to a male embryo. Glucose levels may also fluctuate in women who are dieting and trying to lose weight prior to pregnancy. In animals, more sons are produced when a mother ranks high in the group or has plentiful food resources.

Featured Articles

Silver Tongues

From The Economist print edition

ANCIENT Phoenicians stored their drinking water in silver vessels, but not for aesthetic reasons. They discovered that by doing so they remained healthier. The reason for that is now understood: silver has antimicrobial properties.

In the 21st century people have realised that if you fortify Phoenician wisdom with a dash of nanotechnology, silver can be made into a far more potent bactericide. Companies have quickly seized on this idea to produce a wide variety of products, from clothes to soap and even chopsticks, containing silver nanoparticles. The claim is that they destroy germs.

But silver can also accumulate in the environment and, at certain levels, prove toxic. Nor is the general safety of nanoparticles fully understood, not least because they can react in novel ways. Some scientists think more research is needed and perhaps more regulation too. A move in that direction now seems to be under way.

Silver's natural germ-killing ability stems from its extremely slow release of silver ions (electrically charged atoms, or groups of atoms). When made into particles only a few nanometres big—a nanometre is a billionth of a metre—they shed a lot more ions and so become more potent.

America's Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is worried about a large number of products claiming antimicrobial abilities. One is “Silver Wash”, a washing machine made by Samsung, which claims to employ nanotechnology to release hundreds of billions of silver ions during a wash to sanitise fabrics.

The EPA has ruled that ion-generating devices that claim to kill germs must be registered as a pesticide and tested to show they pose no unreasonable risk. The EPA says its intention is to regulate ion-generating devices rather than nanotechnology itself. But it is hard to draw a distinction. Andrew Maynard, chief science adviser for the Project on Emerging Nanotechnologies at the Woodrow Wilson International Centre for Scholars in Washington, DC, says functionality is an important part of the definition. Turning silver into tiny particles that behave in new ways (for example, by shedding more ions) and putting those particles into new places (such as fabrics) qualifies—or so he thinks.

One consequence of dividing a substance into nanoparticles is that the surface area of the material greatly expands. “Nanosilver is so tiny it can go right to the surface of an organism and essentially shoot ions into the organism,” says Sam Luoma, a research scientist at the John Muir Institute of the Environment at the University of California, Davis. Although this makes silver nanoparticles an extremely effective antimicrobial agent, it also raises concerns about humans' ability to withstand relatively high exposures.

Despite the unknowns, Dr Luoma and others believe there is enormous potential for good from nanosilver. It can, for example, be used in small amounts to coat medical catheters to reduce the possibility of infection without causing environmental worries. “We need to separate out the truly beneficial uses,” he adds.

The EPA will not look at benefit or necessity, but is determined to make its registration stick. It has fined one company more than $200,000 for making unsubstantiated claims about unregistered nanosilver-coated computer mice and keyboards. Firms making claims about nanotechnology need to watch out.

Featured Articles

The Double Trouble of Taxation

by Ron Paul 
Taxes were on the forefront of many Americans’ minds this week as they scrambled to meet the April 15th deadline to file their returns.  Tax policy in this country hurts taxpayers twice – once when they pay taxes, and then when the government spends the money.  Americans are sick and tired of the financial burden and the endless forms to fill out.  To add insult to injury, after collecting this money the government does some very detrimental things to the economy.
The burden of complying with the income tax is tremendous.  Since its inception in 1913, the tax code has gone from 400 pages to over 67,000.  The Tax Foundation estimates that around $265 billion dollars and 6 billion hours are spent just on compliance.  That expense amounts to about 22 cents of every dollar the IRS collects.  Imagine the boon to the economy if we spent that time and money expanding our businesses and creating jobs!

Aside from the direct loss of money and productivity, the funds from the income tax enable the government to do some very destructive things, such as vastly over-regulating economic activity, making it difficult to earn money in the first place.  The federal government funds over 50 agencies, departments and commissions that formulate rules and regulations.  These bureaucracies operate with little to no oversight from the people or Congress and generate around 4,000 new rules every year and operate at a cost of about 40 billion dollars. There are some 75,000 pages of regulations in the Federal Register that Americans are expected to know and abide by.  Complying with these governmental regulations costs American businesses more than one trillion dollars per year, according to a study by Mark Crain for the Small Business Administration.  This complicated system drives production to other countries and shrinks our job market here at home.

Big government is destructive when it takes your money and when it spends it.   There is no economic benefit to supporting a government sector as massive as ours.  In fact, this country thrived for well over 100 years without an income tax.  Today, if you took away the income tax, the government would still have revenue from other sources equal to total government spending in 1990, when government was still too big.  $1.2 trillion should be more than enough to fund a government operating within its constitutional confines, and that is exactly what we need to get back to.

I have introduced legislation many times to abolish the IRS and the income tax.  It is fundamentally un-American to require taxpayers to testify against themselves and be considered guilty until proven innocent.  Abolishing the IRS altogether would trigger an avalanche of real growth in the economy.

With these financial hard times only just beginning, this would be the most efficient and logical way to get our economy growing again, and Americans would need not dread the 15th of April every year.

Living By Grace

Look Upward

Contributed by Renee Amison

Do you sometimes feel that your life's circumstances have you fenced in with no way out? This short parable about the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee gives us a little insight into what may be the root of solving our own problems. Our solution to many problems may not be in front of us, but may be above us. Therefore, is it possible that looking upward should be our first option?



If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet.  Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.


The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.


A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom.  It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.


In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat and the bumblebee.  We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up.  Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, but faith looks up.

Laughter, The Best Medicine

The Dam

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; LycomingCounty

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.  You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:   

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.   

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.  Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.  

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.  We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.  All restoration work shall be completed  no later than January 31, 2006.  

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.  Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..  
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.  Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.  


David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County  

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.  I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.  

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.  While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."  

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.  I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?   

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.  

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns.  My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation?  The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.  The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.  In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.  

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.  

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.  They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.  If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).  

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area.  It is the bears!  Bears are actually defecating in our woods.  I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!  The bears are not careful where they dump!  

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.



Laughter, The Best Medicine

The Dam

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response letter.