Where Are All The Dead Bodies From Swine Flu?

And yet, somehow, we all missed those 500,000 dead bodies in 2009, which would have overflowed from the morgues, filled local gymnasiums and been found dropping dead across our streets. If 500,000+ people died from swine flu, modern cities would have been littered with dead bodies like something from a war scene. After all, the entire Vietnam War killed roughly 50,000 Americans, and the CDC is claiming swine flu killed ten times as many people.

So where is the war zone? Where are all the bodies? I don't recall any pictures in the news of bodies stacking up anywhere. No reports of morgues overflowing with dead people. No mass graves. No footage from the TV news showing the horrors of stacked body bags. None of that ever happened!

Half a million people died but somehow nobody noticed
Apparently the CDC's position is that 500,000+ people died and somehow no one noticed, if you can believe that. Yep, while we were all watching Dancing With the Stars, hundreds of thousands of our brothers and sisters were dropping dead on the streets around the world, and then they somehow just vanished into thin air and haven't been heard from since. (Insert Twilight Zone music here…)

Thank goodness the CDC has finally found them all! Thanks to the agency's "computer modeling" — a euphemism for the less technical term "making sh!t up" — all those 500,000+ deaths have finally been accounted for!

But where are the bodies, then? Any cop knows that if you think you have a murder, you need a body. No body means no murder… probably just a missing person instead. So where are the CDC's bodies?

The only rational conclusion is that the CDC is hiding all the bodies! That's why we haven't seen them. Yes, they've dispatched teams of literal body snatchers to whisk away all the dead swine flu bodies before we would notice anything. Check the nursing homes… are your parents still there? Maybe they got snatched by the CDC and you just never noticed…

Bodies for the zombie apocalypse?
So somewhere deep in the CDC's basement, alongside the thawed autism brains and level-4 bioweapons they've been feverishly working on releasing soon in a Chicago bus station, there's a gruesome collection of hundreds of thousands of bodies of swine flu victims. You might wonder, then, for what purpose they are keeping a few hundred thousand bodies on ice.

The answer should be obvious: The CDC is going to re-animate all those bodies and send them back onto the streets during the next zombie apocalypse that the CDC has already warned us about!

According to the CDC's own words posted on May 16th, 2011 — and no, I'm seriously not making this up:

Where do zombies come from and why do they love eating brains so much? …Zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder – How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?

So now it's all becoming clear. The CDC is hoarding swine flu bodies (which we somehow never noticed were missing), and it's going to re-animate them using Frankenvaccines, then unleash them onto the streets of America as the much-anticipated zombie apocalypse.

Ah, now it all makes sense. I'm glad there's a rational explanation behind it all, because for a minute there I thought the CDC was just fabricating numbers out of thin air in order to push more vaccines.