Category: Laughter, The Best Medicine

(Your own personal nurse is optional.)

DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLEGUM!

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are billions of stars; but have to check
when you say the paint is still wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard and where did he get such a good razor?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Maybe a mother-in-law could answer this one.

One Sunday a cowboy in South Texas went to little country church.
When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I ain’t too smart, but if I went to feed my cows and only one showed up, I'd feed him anyway."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours.
The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly and thoughtfully,  "Well, …I ain’t too smart, but if I went to feed my cows and only one showed up, I danged sure would save some hay for the other cows."

This was sent in by a reader, so we decided to post it on The Silver Bulletin.
What is a BILLION???

This isn’t really anything to laugh at, but what the heck else can we do,
so we put it in the “Laughter, The Best Medicine” category.

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think
about whether you want that or any "politician" spending your hard earned money.

"A billion here and a billion there, and soon you're talking about real money."
Illinois Senator Everett Dirksen

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did
a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.
 
1. One billion seconds ago it was 1976.

2. One billion and 51million minutes ago Jesus preached in Galilee.

3. One billion days ago was 2.7 million years B.C.

4. One billion dollars ago was only 3 hours and 15
minutes ago, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our minds, let's take a look at New Orleans.
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division .

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), asked the Congress for $250 BILLION
to rebuild New Orleans.  Interesting number, what does it mean?

1. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

2. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.

3. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.
  Washington, D.C .. HELLO!!! … Are all your calculators broken??
This is too true to be very funny, …but  here it is anyway.
Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.

Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"

And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)

Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),

Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,

Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,

Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,

Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago
and there was prosperity, absolutely no national debt,
the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed
home to raise the kids.

It taxes me when I wonder what happened?????