(The American GIs throw them away and we use them to train our Olympic team.)
Category: Laughter, The Best Medicine
Laughter can often aid in the curing of many illnesses. Stress can be an underlying factor in developing health issues. One cannot be stressed if they are laughing.
I have often been confused when I heard the term “Service” used in reference to various government agencies and even some other private companies.
Internal Revenue “Service”
U.S. Postal “Service”
Telephone/Cell Phone “Service”
Cable T.V. “Service”
Civil “Service”
Public “Service”
Customer “Service”
Although there are many good people working in “Service” industries, very often I have wondered just what was meant by the term “Service”. In today’s world just to get “Service” can be an ordeal with an endless maze of “menus” and being put on hold.
However, today, I overheard two ranchers here in Utopia talking and one of them said he had hired another rancher’s bull to “Service” some of his cows.
Almost immediately, it all came into perspective. I now understand what “Service” means, especially when attached to a government agency.
U.S. Postal “Service”
Telephone/Cell Phone “Service”
Cable T.V. “Service”
Civil “Service”
Public “Service”
Customer “Service”
Although there are many good people working in “Service” industries, very often I have wondered just what was meant by the term “Service”. In today’s world just to get “Service” can be an ordeal with an endless maze of “menus” and being put on hold.
However, today, I overheard two ranchers here in Utopia talking and one of them said he had hired another rancher’s bull to “Service” some of his cows.
Almost immediately, it all came into perspective. I now understand what “Service” means, especially when attached to a government agency.
I hope you are NOW as enlightened as I am…
If you see two people laughing at a joke you didn't hear, chances are you will smile anyway–even if you don't realize it.
According to a new study, laughter truly is contagious: the brain responds to the sound of laughter and preps the muscles in the face to join in the mirth.
"It seems that it's absolutely true that 'laugh and the whole world laughs with you," said Sophie Scott, a neuroscientist at the University College London. "We've known for some time that when we are talking to someone, we often mirror their behavior, copying the words they use and mimicking their gestures. Now we've shown that the same appears to apply to laughter, too–at least at the level of the brain."
The positive approach.
Scott and her fellow researchers played a series of sounds to volunteers and measured the responses in their brain with an FMRI scanner. Some sounds, like laughter or a triumphant shout, were positive, while others, like screaming or retching, were negative.
All of the sounds triggered responses in the premotor cortical region of the brain, which prepares the muscles in the face to move in a way that corresponds to the sound.
The response was much higher for positive sounds, suggesting they are more contagious than negative sounds–which could explain our involuntary smiles when we see people laughing.
The team also tested the movement of facial muscles when the sounds were played and found that people tended to smile when they heard laughter, but didn't make a gagging face when they heard retching sounds, Scott told LiveScience. She attributes this response to the desire to avoid negative emotions and sounds.
Older than language?
The contagiousness of positive emotions could be an important social factor, according to Scott. Some scientists think human ancestors may have laughed in groups before they could speak and that laughter may have been a precursor to language.
"We usually encounter positive emotions, such as laughter or cheering, in group situations, whether watching a comedy program with family or a football game with friends," Scott said. "This response in the brain, automatically priming us to smile or laugh, provides a way or mirroring the behavior of others, something which helps us interact socially. It could play an important role in building strong bonds between individuals in a group."
Scott and her team will be studying these emotional responses in the brain in people with autism, who have "general failures of social and emotional processing" to better understand the disease and why those with it don't mirror others emotions, she said.
Categories
Ooops!
I know we saved money on this 'Chinese' shipment, …but maybe two ships would have been better than one.
by Jeff Foxworthy
YOU might be a school teacher if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
YOU might be a school teacher if you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.”
YOU might be a school teacher if it’s difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.
YOU might be a school teacher if you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail – anything, without ever looking outside.
YOU might be a school teacher if you believe, 'shallow gene pool' should have its own box on a report card.
YOU might be a school teacher if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”
YOU might be a school teacher if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
YOU might be a school teacher if you have no social life between August and June.
YOU might be a school teacher if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
YOU might be a school teacher if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.
YOU might be a school teacher if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'
YOU might be a school teacher if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district.
YOU might be a school teacher if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
YOU might be a school teacher if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be construed as a violation Constitutional Rights.
YOU might be a school teacher if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, “Why is this kid like this?”
YOU might be a school teacher if you would choose a root canal over a parent conference.
YOU might be a school teacher if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons…and desks and chairs for that matter!
YOU might be a school teacher if the words, “I have college debt for this?” has ever come out of your mouth.
YOU might be a school teacher if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!
Categories
The Dam
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; LycomingCounty
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES
&THE DAM BEAVERS
Categories
The Dam
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response letter.
Categories
South Texas Longhorns
Genetic engineering can get scary when breeding Longhorns in South Texas.
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, 'You want chocolate with that?'
And Man said, 'Yes!' and Woman said, 'and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles.' And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad.' And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, 'I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.' And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the
roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it 'Angel Food Cake,' and said, 'It is good.' Satan then created chocolate cake and named it 'Devil's Food.'
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger, then said, 'You want fries with that?' And Man replied, 'Yes! And super size them!' And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Categories
Stealth Fighter
